Bishonen Torture
by Shimouro
Summary: All my favorite anime guys are being forced into preforming a play about those dorky songs you learned when you were little!
1. LITTLE PIGGIES!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Rurouni Kenshin, or Inuyasha. I am just making a pathetic attempt at writing a story about my favorite anime characters.  
  
This is the Participating Cast: Inuyasha, Miroku, Kenshin, Jin, Hiei, and Yahiko.  
  
This is the Non- Participating: Shimouro (me), Fred, Attack Sheep, Misao, Botan, and Sango.  
  
Okay, basic summary: All my favorite anime guys are being forced to take part in a play that features those doofy songs and rhymes you heard when you were a kid. There's one girl from each TV show to blackmail the guys. Fred the duckie umbrella is my evil partner in crime, because he's scaring the guys into doing this with the attack sheep, pint-sized zombie sheep that guard my locker. (Fred's new nickname is Winston.) OKAY! LET'S GET STARTED! (Everybody does happy dance.) ^_^  
  
Scene 1: The Little Piggies  
  
Shimouro: Places, places everyone! Hiei, you're up 1st.  
  
Botan: Sango! Get me the camcorder, quick!  
  
Hiei: There is no possible way for you to make me perform in this cheesy play of yours!  
  
Shimouro: Fred, please take Hiei down to the attack sheep. They need to have a little chat.  
  
Fred: QUACK!  
  
Hiei: Okay, Okay, I'll go! Just PLEASE don't make me go to the sheep! To. wooly. for comfort!  
  
Shimouro: Hooray! Now, let's begin. (Lights dim and curtain rises up.)  
  
Shimouro: This little piggy went to market. (Hiei is pushed onstage wearing one of those rubber pig noses.)  
  
Hiei: I am NO pig! I'm calling my lawyer!  
  
Botan: This is rich! I gotta get copies made of this!  
  
Shimouro: This little piggy stayed home. (Spotlight is put on Jin as he's shoved out wearing a nose like Hiei's.)  
  
Jin: Aye, I still have me own free will, there's no forcing me here! (Botan whaps him over the head with a bat.)  
  
Jin: (Wobbling around, swirly-eyed.) Oink. oink. yes, I'm a little piggy. OINK! (Falls onto the floor unconscious.)  
  
Shimouro: This little piggy had roast pork. (Yahiko wearing pig nose is shown scarfing it down.)  
  
Yahiko: Mm! This is good-CLANG! (Drops fork and food starts falling out of his mouth in rivers.) PORK! Well, who did you cook to make this!  
  
Miroku: (Walking by.) Hey, has anybody seen Kenshin? Last time I saw him he was in the kitchen.  
  
Yahiko: NOOOOOO! WAAAHHHHH! Kenshin was my best friend! But. (Lowers his voice to a whisper.) just between you and me, even though he was love by all, HE TASTED REAL GOOD!  
  
Shimouro: This little piggy had none. (Inuyasha is pushed out wearing nose.)  
  
Inuyasha: Humph! At least we are NOT talking cannibalism here!  
  
Sango: Wait till Kagome sees this! Hahahaha! (Falls on the floor laughing.)  
  
Yahiko: WAAAAHHHHH! Kenshin!  
  
Kenshin: (Walks onstage.) What's wrong Yahiko? Didn't you like the roast I made?  
  
Yahiko: Roast? Y. y.you made? Bbbut I thought y.you were- KENSHIN! YOU'RE ALIVE! (He throws his arms around Kenshin's neck, giving bug-eyes.)  
  
Kenshin: Oro.  
  
Shimouro: And this little piggy went wee, wee, wee, all the way home!  
  
Miroku: (Wearing nose) I am NOT going to go wee, wee, wee, all the way home!  
  
Fred: QUACK!  
  
Sheep: Baaaa. Baaaa. BAAAA!  
  
Miroku: Ack! Okay, Okay! (Fred chases him offstage with sheep in hot pursuit.)  
  
Miroku: Wee, wee, wee- ACK! HELP ME!  
  
Shimouro: THE END!  
  
Sango, Misao, and Botan: OH THE BLACKMAIL! (Gives each other high-fives.) Shimouro: Okay, so that was not like Hiei. I couldn't help putting that in. But can you imagine Inuyasha wearing a fake rubber pig nose! LOL! Now. PRESS THE REVIEW BUTTON AND REVIEW BEFORE YOU FACE THE WRATH OF FRED! Thank you. ^_^ 


	2. Know Your Stars

Author's Note: YAY! NEW CHAPTER! Sorry about taking so long, I was very busy. Just don't hit me with rotten tomatoes or anything. (SPLAT) AHHH! NO CHEESE EITHER!  
  
Know Your Stars  
  
Shimouro: Hey everybody! Can I have your attention? (Everybody goes quiet) I have good news and bad news, what do you want to hear first?  
  
Cast: THE GOOD NEWS!  
  
Shimouro: Okay! Guess what! I named my nickel Philip!  
  
Hiei: Okay, so what's the bad news, twerp?  
  
Shimouro: It's a girl nickel! (anime fall) Just kidding! No, really, the good news is that we're taking a break from nursery rhymes and stuff!  
  
Cast: YES!!!  
  
Shimouro: The bad news is.we're doing remakes of Know Your Stars from All That!  
  
Yahiko: So what does that mean? Are we doing right now?  
  
Shimouro: Yup! (Lights dim and soft, cool, music starts up. A chair is put in the center of the room.)  
  
Hiei: WHAT! We don't even know our lines yet!  
  
Shimouro: You won't need them! Now come on, you're up first!  
  
Hiei: But I can't do this! I- (Gets shoved into chair)  
  
Shimouro: Yes you can! Ready.ACTION!  
  
(Lighting effects start)  
  
Speaker Dude: Hiei Jaganshi (is that how you spell it?) .his resume says that he has played the part of the itsy bitsy spider, little Miss Muffet, and many other 'small' parts! (See Koganeiro Kitsune's YYH humor fic. If the spelling doesn't work, then switch the i and the e around.)  
  
Hiei: What on earth is a resume! Hey! Those weren't small parts! I was the main character!  
  
Kyoda: That's not what you said.  
  
Hiei: Keep your mouth shut!  
  
Speaker Dude: Hiei Jaganshi.he's in love with ice cream!  
  
Hiei: ICE CREAM! MUST HAVE ICE CREAM! (starts drooling)  
  
Speaker Dude: Hiei Jaganshi.he screams like a girl!  
  
Hiei: I do not! Why would anybody think a thing like tha- (Tiny metal compartment slams down over him) EEEEEEK!!!! (Hiei gets carried off the stage in box, still screaming)  
  
Shimouro: Next up! Yusuke Urameshi!  
  
Yusuke: This better pay good lady!  
  
Speaker Dude: Yusuke Urameshi.he had anger management problems!  
  
Yusuke: I do not you little #$%@! Wait till I get my hands on you and $%#@* throttle you *$%#$%!  
  
Speaker Dude: Yusuke Urameshi.he just cursed two times in one sentence!  
  
Yusuke: NO, THREE TIMES, YOU #$#@$%!  
  
Speaker Dude: Yusuke Urameshi.he forgot to take his medicine this morning!  
  
Yusuke: I DON'T EVEN TAKE MEDICINE YOU LITTLE $%&*#$@*$#&@@$#%$%##&$%@! (Gets taken off stage in a straightjacket)  
  
Shimouro: Now, Youko Kurama! (Walks onstage)  
  
Speaker Dude: Youko Kurama.he often gets mistaken for a girl!  
  
Youko: I DO NOT! GRRR! COME OUT AND FIGHT YOU COWARD!  
  
Speaker Dude: Whatever you say.missy.  
  
Youko: AUUGH!  
  
Speaker Dude: Youko Kurama.his father was a chipmunk!  
  
Youko: NO HE WAS NOT! He was a FOX for your information!  
  
Speaker Dude: You look like one too.  
  
Youko: I am going to wring your neck just wait till after the show!!! (Walks off, cursing)  
  
Shimouro: Now here's a special guest, Kaiba!  
  
Speaker Dude: Seto Kaiba(is that how you spell it?) .he stole that dress!  
  
Kaiba: I'm not even wearing a dress you fool! Anyway, if I wanted one, I could just buy it myself, since I have so much money.  
  
Speaker Dude: Where's the receipt?  
  
Kaiba: THERE IS NO RECEIPT, BECAUSE THERE IS NO DRESS!  
  
Speaker Dude: Sure.  
  
Kaiba: I hate people like you.  
  
Speaker Dude: Seto Kaiba.he has a full beard!  
  
Kaiba: This is insane! I don't have a beard, and I never will have one! I shave!  
  
Speaker Dude: Whatever you say.beardo.  
  
Kaiba: NO LOOK! Smooth skin(rubs face) smooth skin! (Gets dragged away)  
  
Shimouro: And here's our last guest, Miroku!  
  
Speaker Dude: Miroku.what can we say, he's a pervert!  
  
Miroku: Yup! And proud of it! Runs over and touches Sango's rear. (HENTAI)  
  
Shimouro: Well that's the end of our show for today! (Miroku shrieks as Sango comes at him with her boomerang.) (Keiko storms up to Yusuke) Keiko: Yusuke! How could you curse like that! SLAP!  
  
Yusuke: Owww.  
  
Hope You liked! 


	3. Bob and the button factory

Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of the anime shows portrayed in this fic. I wish I did, but I don't. I do own Shimouro. She is MY property! Okay, this time we're getting back on track and doing a normal, (Well okay not normal) chapter. This time we're going to do Christmas songs! For those of you who don't do Christmas, sorry. But first, I'm gonna interview some of our characters to get some POSITIVE feedback on this.  
  
Shimouro: (Holds out mike) Miroku! What do you think of our performance so far?  
  
Miroku: Well other than having to wear a pig nose and being embarrassed by some guy over an intercom, it's pretty good. I can't wait for all the pretty showgirls to come on!  
  
Shimouro: Uhhh. . . Miroku, there aren't going to be any showgirls. That's why it's called BISHONEN TORTURE not LETS WATCH MIROKU SLAP THE SHOW GIRL'S BUTT!  
  
Miroku: WHAT! NO PRETTY SHOWGIRLS!? NOOO!!!! Oh well, I've always been the authoress type anyway. . .hehehe  
  
Shimouro: Miroku, what are thinking about in that sick mind of yours? Oh no. (Miroku gets an evil look on his face) AACK!!! (Runs offstage) HELP ME!!!  
  
Sango: (Takes mike) Well, unfortunately, Shimouro can't do anymore interviews, so I'll start up the show while she gets the pepper spray from her trailer. What! She gets a trailer! NO FAIR! *Sigh* At least I'm not Yahiko. He's stuck in the port-a-potty out back.  
  
Hiei: I didn't need to hear that. (flush)  
  
Yahiko: @%#$! My costume fell in the toilet! Ack! Kenshin! Don't press the lever!  
  
Kurama: Apparently, Kenshin and Yahiko share a 'dressing room'  
  
Hiei: Eww. . .  
  
Kenshin: Go on little costume! Go on to a better place! *Sniff* they grow up so fast!  
  
Yahiko: That was so wrong.  
  
Sango: Okay people! (yells into megaphone) Shimouro is still fighting off Miroku with bat, so lets get started! Take your place Yahiko!  
  
Yahiko: What a load of $%#@#$$@%!  
  
Kenshin: Oooh, potty mouth Yahiko. Heeheehee. . . Sango: We now present, Bob and the button factory song! Wait, that's not it. START OVER!!  
  
Inuyasha: (Groan)  
  
Sango: YO YO YO!! WE AH PLAYIN' THUH BOB AN' DA BUTTON FACTORY SONG!! WASSUP DAWG!! Wait no. That's not it either. CUT!  
  
Inuyasha: Pick something woman!  
  
Sango: Thank ya, thank ya very much. Weez playing tonight Bob and the buton factory song, uh huh. No, no no! AGAIN!  
  
Hiei: I'm gonna kill her very soon. . .  
  
Sango: This is the last time! I promise! Okay! HOWDY Y'ALL! WE'RE PLAYIN' THE BOB AND THE BUTTON FACTRY SONG! YEE HAW! Oh I give up. Here's our show. Bob and the button factory. LIGHTS!  
  
Inuyasha: It's about time!  
  
(Lights dim and a factory backdrop falls down)  
  
Yahiko: (Walks onstage wearing some borrowed pants shirt and suspenders. He has on a fake mustache and a pillow stuffed in his shirt to make him look fat) *grumble* Hi my name is Bob. I work in a button factory. I push the button with my right foot.  
  
Hiei: (Walks on dressed up as a button) Lalala. I am a button. Button button button.  
  
Yahiko: (Kicks Hiei) I LOVE THIS JOB!  
  
Hiei: I'M GONNA KILL YOU NINGEN!! ARRGH! (Chases Yahiko offstage)  
  
Sango: NO! WAIT! IT'S NOT OVER YET! I'M DOOMED!  
  
Inuyasha: Well I'm not doomed! I got it all on tape! I wonder how much I'll get for this. . .  
  
Kenshin: FREE THE BUTTON COSTUME!  
  
Kurama: Uhh guys? We better stay clear of Kenshin.  
  
Inuyasha: Duh. He's lost his mind.  
  
Kurama: More like intoxicated. I found five empty bottles of sake in his 'dressing room'  
  
Inuyasha: Oh no. WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!  
  
Kenshin: (Hugs random costume) Let's get married!  
  
Shimouro: (Walks back in) Hi Sango! How'd it go? (Hiei runs by chasing Yahiko)  
  
Sango: What do you think?  
  
Shimouro: I see. It was a good first try though. You did your best.  
  
Kenshin: (glomps costume) We're meant for each other. Do you believe in love at first sight?  
  
Shimouro: Uhh. . . why is Kenshin putting a veil on the donkey costume?  
  
Sango: Don't ask.  
  
Miroku: (stumbles over with his hands over his eyes) Ouch.  
  
Shimouro: You won't do that again, now will you?  
  
Miroku: No mam.  
  
Shimouro: Good.  
  
Kenshin: (kiss) I luv you my widdle snookums!  
  
Miroku: EYES! THEY BURN!  
  
Shimouro: Okay,note to self: NEVER LET SANGO DIRECT AGAIN!  
  
Hope ya liked! I'm interviewing Hiei next time! Oh, and I need you guys to vote: What should I do next? Pop Goes the weasel or Down by the station? REVIEW OR I WILL SEND MY DUCKIE UMBRELLA AND THE ATTACK SHEEP OF DOOM! 


End file.
